I’ve started the first sentence of this post countless of times and wind up just pressing select all – delete countless of times.
I realize what it comes down to. embarrassment. And like in my previous post — a fear of judgement. I’ve been thinking a lot what is this blog for. Is it for me or is it for the reader? When it first began it was 100% just for me. It was an online journal. A way to keep close friends in the loop about things going on, a way to vent, a way to document my pregnancy, to complain about work. Then somehow it slowly shifted. As I gained more readers (who continue to remain completely unknown to me because of the almost complete lack of comments) I’ve changed my perspective in what I write about and how I write about it. I stopped writing for me and started writing for you.
Which wouldn’t be so bad, except for moments like this where I don’t know if I want to publicly talk about something so inherently private. That and the part of me that thinks to myself, you have no idea who these people are, maybe they’re not even people but robots that randomly venture to your site get clocked as a visit and leave before reading a vowel.
I realized when I was doing online research about the topic I found the same links over and over again because it appears as though few people are really talking about this. Well except psychology today which actually had a great online resource of articles on behavioral economics. Perhaps that’s why I would be so good at marketing because marketing works so well on me. I had to unsubscribe from every living social and groupon deal I got. Which was a plethora of different cities and editions, because I just couldn’t resist the lure of the deal. I had to get it. It was such a great discount! I wound up getting lots of things that while were in fact a good deal, but I wouldn’t have bought otherwise. So did I really save money? Sure I have a deal on fandango, the hair salon, a 3 hour cleaning service, two restaurants, the playground. But would I have bought these things before?
I unsubscribed from all the stores who have me on their email list, except BabyGap (I just couldn’t do it!), and removed my credit card from being stored on amazon because its just too easy to do one click shopping and not even think about what you’re buying (which recently on Amazon has been 5 books). Then I took it a step further. I cut up every single credit card with my name on it and put all of my store credit cards in the basement with other cards we don’t use, like our Wells Fargo card that we don’t use but have to get free checking. I realized that like the emails taunting me with the sales, my credit cards were taunting me with the fact that I could buy something regardless of the fact that I shouldn’t.
I’m a sucker for marketing. For the sale. For the deal. For the coupon. What shocked me the most looking at my statements was that I hadn’t bought a single thing that wasn’t on sale or with a coupon. I didn’t pay full price for anything and yet when you get enough items under $10, well it adds up to be a lot.
Beyond my inability to process marketing as a manipulative tool to get consumers to buy products I apparently have no self control or impulse control. I will never in my life forget when I was in Florida ten years ago with my three best friends and I saw them pass a note to each other that read “M is a fiend for instant gratification.” That note (and the fact that my friends were talking about me behind my back yet in front of me) has always remained imbedded in my memory. Its true. I am a sucker for instant gratification. I don’t want to wait and chance that it won’t be there anymore. After all I can always return it. I like things now, I like to do things now, and have little to no patience. Which is fine in some aspects of my life (I can get shit done), but not when it comes to money.
Hi, I’m M and I’m a compulsive shopper. I know it and now you know it too.