My whole life I have believed in the goodness of others. I have believed in other people. I accepted my naiveté as a positive. As somehow being a worthwhile trait of mine that I was willing to let others hurt me and forgive them. I have always trusted people. I have always let them in. Given them the key to my heart and hoped for the best.
It’s funny because on Thursday I was talking to someone I had met on my trip to Europe. A Navy Seal who doesn’t see value in friendships and relationships because it’s easier to not let anyone in instead of losing them. He had lost his best friend in 2006 and I’m sure many friends throughout the years. I met this person for two days. I don’t know him. And yet I still tried to convince him that he was wrong. That you have to let people in.
But now I wonder maybe he was right.
I will always stand by my words. They are mine. I am not one to be censored. When I have a problem with someone I believe in addressing it. I value my relationships enough to give them that respect. I stand by my feelings. They might change, in fact they frequently do. But they were real in that moment and they were true. And I will always to a fault be honest. Another trait of mine I value as a positive.
I have many faults and I will gleefully admit to them. But I will not lie. I will not censor. And I will always stand behind my words.
But I’m not sure if I can any longer believe in the goodness of others. I have never been any other way, so it will be a challenge.
At 27 I learned that you really can’t trust anyone but yourself. It’s a lesson I was hoping never to learn.
Forgive me for I will be writing backwards. I am very many posts behind, but I had to bring you slightly to the present before taking you back to the beginning.