Yesterday, I found myself thinking about my friends from college. I had been talking to three of them and I just miss them, in a way that I wasn’t initially aware of. I thought about the friendships I once had. How we were bound together by time and proximity. Our time was endless except for studying, which was easily given up and I was one of the few that worked.
We lived all together. Within feet of one another. It wasn’t miles, it wasn’t a car trip, it wasn’t a plane trip. It was next door. I’m saddened that I don’t have that anymore. That I won’t have that anymore by the nature of age. My time has become a precious commodity and I don’t have endless amounts of it. We are all so many miles apart on completely different coasts; we are plane flights away from each other. And I miss it because I know I won’t get it back.
For me my friends have always been my family. They are my family. When I was a child, my family were just people I was bound to by blood, but who were never there for me. My friends were my core. My friends were always there for me. When I conjure up the word family it is so leaden with despair and disappointment. But friendship is filled with love, kindness, compassion, humor, excitement and adventure. And I want that.
Even though the family I have now is my own, one that I have created it is such a paradigm shift for me to turn my focus to family and not to friends. It’s hard for me to shift to this thing that hurt me so much and I find myself still relying on my friends who have moved on and have created their own family, their own networks. I feel like I’m left in the shadow of that. Looking back at these memories, yellowing with age, I know I have to put them away and let them go.
Written as a part of Shell’s Pour Your Heart Out
Sure I’ve seen the ads and movies with frantic moms doing loads of never ending laundry but somehow I didn’t really foresee this being something that could happen to me. But it has. I have to admit until today I still felt a somewhat novelty in doing laundry even though I’ve been doing laundry on my own for like six years now. Until today, when it’s 10:53 pm and I’m still doing laundry, not only am I still doing laundry I had to stay up so I’d be able to flip the next load so the laundry wouldn’t be wet overnight just getting stinky. My whole family, dogs included, have been snoozing for some time. Honestly, if it wasn’t so late I’d probably put redo the load because I can’t quite get Bella’s car seat cover clean.
But it is this late. So once I finish this little tidbit I’m going to sleep. For like three hours before Bella awakes and wants to eat again.
Perhaps my method of waiting until I’ve run out of hampers (which I have 5 of) until I do laundry is a bad idea. Because that means when I finally do laundry its like at least 10 loads. Both kids had two loads each. God only knows how many we had total because the H did a majority of it on Friday. I just folded it all today and did the four kids loads and two loads of whites, oh and a load of “should be dry cleaned, but I can’t afford that so I’m going to wash it and let it air dry. ” So I did 7 loads today. Jesus Christ.
We also do in fact have that many clothes that we can go this long. In fact I could easily keep going in the underwear and shirt department, unfortunately given the fact that I weigh a ridiculous amount I have long run out of pants that fit me and in fact wore my maternity jeans to work on Thursday. Yeah, my baby turned four months yesterday but I’m still wearing maternity clothes. Awesome.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane. Here’s a photo of me and copious amounts of laundry from my freshman year at college when I discovered this technique of doing laundry once a semester.
I should also point out that in college I would in fact febreeze my two favorite pairs of going out pants because they weren’t laundered. In retrospect that’s kind of nasty. But the places that those pants went were kind of nasty too.
And also here’s a photo of me being able to fit into a dryer. Because I was in fact once that small.