Tag Archives: Beauty

All About Face.

25 Feb

At some point in the last 12-18 months I’ve started to give a damn about how I look. And by that I mean I finally acknowledged that I need to buy a new wardrobe and stop trying to squeeze into things that just weren’t working. (But only in the last week decided to accept that as okay.) I started wearing makeup everyday got some fancy hair and skin care products. Essentially I came to the realization that I’m never going to wake up and look like Scarlett Johansson. (Though boy I wish I could.)

So basically if I wanted to look nice I would have to care and try. Not exactly brand new concepts in the world, but apparently new to me. I tried to up my dapper with a mix of sexy dapper or dapperexy and casual dapper, capper perhaps? My Pinterest want wall is the perfect example of my preferred style. 50s classic but sexy. I don’t necessarily dress like that, but I would like to. I haven’t quite figured out what my elusive “personal style” is, but on the heels of the Oscars I definitely know what styles I like (and don’t) and also exactly what I would wear should anyone want to invite me to the Academy Awards and make a dress for me. Anyone?

I want this, except maybe in black or red:

A part of all this is also trying to figure out my skin care regimen. That is still very much so a work in progress though I have identified some key staples. From the wonderful recommendation of Casey I got a Clarisonic for Christmas. A Mia 2 to be exact. I have been trying the Dermalogica Ultra Calming line at the recommendation of my facialist.  I’ve got an eye serum from The Aromatherapy Company and the L’Oreal Magic BB cream. A mixture of price ranges in my regime as I’m still trying to figure out the perfect products for my sensitive, dry, acne prone skin.

BB Cream

The BB cream is staying in my regime because I love how the stark white grainy product that I put on my fingers somehow as if by magic disappears into my skin and leaves a powder finish. How? I don’t understand, but I’ll take it! Plus, in addition to correcting and priming it is hydrating and I need all the moisture I can get. I place the BB cream over my moisturizer and under my tinted moisturizer in a three moisture layer approach to my parched skin. Though the lady at Sephora said I really need a better moisturizer base because my skin is still dry and what I see as acne she said is really just irritation from the dryness. So my moisturizer and cleanser are at the chopping block because I need something way more moisturizing.

Please share with me your must have skin products. Seriously. I want your recommendations. (Also I’ve tried Cetaphil and that is also too drying for me)!

Disclaimer: I was sent a sample of L’Oreal Paris Magic Skin Beautifier BB cream from SheSpeaks to try. All opinions and grammatical errors are entirely my own.

Called Myself Beautiful.

19 Feb

Lady luck in my favor I was able to take two days off and fly home on Valentine’s Day to be home with my valentines. A few days prior there were orchids delivered to my office


and I was surprised at the airport by a sleeping bear holding flowers.


I ran full speed to the H in the airport pick up line and hugged him like every commercial and movie makes you believe airport pick up is really like. But this post isn’t about Valentine’s Day. It’s not about making chocolate heart cookies


or taking the crib rails off


it’s not about a day spent skiing.


It’s about that moment when I was out with friends for dinner and I thought twice about what I wanted to order versus what I should because of the supposed diet I “should be” on. And this strange voice popped up unannounced in my head. It wasn’t the voice that lead me to bulimia in years past, no this voice was different for it told me you’re perfect just as you are. And I started to wonder if those EMDR sessions with my therapist were working despite my immense skepticism. That even though I had fought so hard to believe it that somehow it had permeated and I actually believed I was good enough as is.

I have always wanted to be thin for other people. Valuing being pretty and sexy and wanted as the only way to feel an iota of self worth. That somehow if I wasn’t those things, if I didn’t look like those girls in the magazines than I wouldn’t be good enough. Last month, I celebrated my golden birthday turning 28 on the 28th of January and I realized I had spent the last 28 years only feeling beautiful when someone told me I was. And in that moment, sitting at a suburban Chili’s with unwashed hair and no make up on ordering exactly what I wanted, I realized that I had never felt more beautiful in my life because this time it only mattered what I thought.


Call Me Beautiful

Call Her Beautiful

Linked with Just Write and Pour Your Heart Out

Call Me Beautiful

1 May

It has to be the weather.

It was gloomy on Saturday. Cold. Rainy. I didn’t leave the bed all day. Finally at 3pm still pajama clad I took Bear to see The Lorax per his insistence. Post movie I crawled back in.  Finally at 6:30 I pulled myself together, literally and figuratively, and saw Five Year Engagement then went out for drinks with friends. It was almost 2am when I came home.

Sunday was beautiful. Warm sunny. We went hiking at Afton. Had a delicious lunch at a diner we discovered in Stillwater. Went to a candy shop were I fell in love with white chocolate dipped pretzel sticks.

Monday was supposed to be nice. Where was the 70 degrees promised?

I cleaned. It helped. Having the dog hair picked up. The counters wiped down. The clutter filed away. The beds made. When there is order around me it makes me like there is order in me. Except it didn’t.

After six weeks of “dieting” and exercising and being healthy and doing all the right things  I had only lost 5 lbs. Five measly pounds. All lost within the first week. Gained. Lost. Gained. Up. Down. Flat. Flat for 9 straight days. Starring at that horrendous number. The same as 7 months pregnant, but 19 months postpartum.

I want to look at myself and think that I am beautiful. I want to, desperately.

I look back on this picture from two weeks ago. That I titled joy. I can’t look beyond my chin, my arm, the little part of my bra sticking out. That imperfection to even see the joy.

My eyes flutter across all of 2012, the ones that are supposed to be the best. Those shared socially to prove their worthiness for global speculation. I pick them apart. Line by line. Roll by roll. Until I’m left with a magnifying glass to the worst. A microscope to each pore. I am dissected and shredded and not human, but made up of haphazard slivers.

Being an over analyzer and introspective I know many of the reasons why so much of my happiness is wrapped up in self appearance. I want to believe when I’m older that I will look back on this and not only think of how I wish I knew how beautiful I was at 27, but how little it mattered. I find it hard to believe that I will ever come to a place like that in my life, but I hold out hope.

Maybe the weather will change. Maybe someone will call me beautiful and I will believe it.

Thank you so much for your support to my biopsy post. Results came back today and I’m cancer free.

Linked with Just Write and Pour Your Heart Out and Wordful Wednesday

Posted with my series: Let’s Talk About the Serious Stuff.

The “Mommy” Look

29 Jun

I started this post over a month ago, but today as I was catching up on my RSS feed stumbled into three different blogs that had talked about similar concepts in completely different ways. Sellabit Mom is the quintessential put together mom whereas Lady Goo Goo Gaga is much closer to me (minus the Chanel shoes) and Amber seems to be somewhere in the middle.

I can’t say that I was particularly put together before I had kids, but certainly a lot more than I am now. I think I wore makeup, in fact at one point I wanted to be a make up artist. I cared about what I wore (though in college I was known to febreeze my favorite pair of going out pants). I certainly showered with much more regularity and probably did more to my hair than put it into a messy bun, which is what I now do every single day.

It all went downhill when I started dating the H, probably because of all that he liked me for me eye roll romantic stuff. I cared much more about how I looked with Swan. I think because so much of my relationship with him was me trying to still be in a relationship with him that I did anything to ensure that. Including always looking hot even if it meant that he’d be possessed by demons (more on that some other time).

I think having kids just allowed me to give more into my inherent laziness because now I had so many other things to think about that something as silly as appearance was quick to fall to the bottom of a never ending to do list. Plus, its sort of the thing that you expect from a mom after all mom jeans and a mom haircut are both seen as quite negative things.

Granted I fall into neither category of OMG but I do regularly live in my Old Navy flip flops, tank top and Gap Body Yoga pants. Its pretty much what I go to sleep in as well, minus the flip flops. I’ve been known to wear the same thing to bed that I had worn during the day or again the next morning. Oops.

At the same time when the New Mom (who is so put together, FYI) made a comment at work last month about how she can’t be considered hot anymore because she’s a mom it really irked me. In my mind (where all the great commentary happens) I replied, “Look here missy, I may look like a not-so-hot mess right now, but when I want to I look damn fine and I’m a mom of two so shut your whore mouth.” In the end I think I said something like, “Oh, but you’re so hot!” Not quite the same thing, but oh well.

While on some level I wish I cared more about keeping myself looking more like a hot mess than not so much I also don’t care enough to actually do so. Sort of like how I lament on a continuous basis about how fat I am and then I eat BWW two days in a row. After all when it comes down to it my kids don’t care what I look like, they care that I’m around and playing with them, or feeding them, and Bear is quick to point out if I need a shower so I’ve got a built in barometer of stinkyness. I think it has a ton more to do with my personality and where my priorities lie than the fact that I am a mom. I envy moms that have their shit together, I really do. I’d like to think that one day I will, but then I realize that’s probably not going to happen. I hate the association of motherhood as the end of sexyness. If I had the willpower (and cashflow) I would bring sexy back for all the mama’s out there. Or if JT would have me I’d bring it back just for him.


How to be Lazy and Look Good

14 Apr

Just now in the shower I came up with a great idea of how I can be lazy and still look good. In the mornings I meander out of bed 45 minutes before I leave, 30 minutes before I should actually leave if I wanted to be on time. Normally, I would sleep even later but I have to pump in the morning so it adds an extra groggy 15 minutes to my daily routine.

Needless to say things like showering and putting on make up prior to work are a laughing matter. They’re lucky my clothes are clean and my teeth are brushed. Today, I was however helping my FIL with some promotional marketing videos. Clearly, my usual look wasn’t going to cut it. I however didn’t wake up in time to shower and put on make up like I was planning to, so I brought my make up to work.

This is were the genius came into play. At work in my cubicle in between looking busy with an excel spreadsheet open I plucked my eyebrows and did my make up. Voila! I looked great! I thought of this in the shower because I didn’t want to wash off my makeup since it looked so good and I wanted it to last until tomorrow (bad idea I know) when I realized I can just do my make up at work again!

So people be prepared when you see me picking up my kids after work looking like a put together mommy, its all a very clever facade.


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