When people meet me they rarely think that I could be shy or insecure. I appear to be outgoing and I am friendly. In some cases (drunk ones) I am outgoing and I do always score high on the extrovert scale. However I’m currently sitting in my car in the parking lot and have been for the last 10 minutes. I’ll be here another 15 more.
This is why I hate to be early. I don’t like the aloneness. I don’t like having to speak to people I don’t know. My stomach flips and dismounts preparing itself for the summer Olympic games. I’m too nervous to move.
I’ve been told by people who are now my friends that I’m intimidating at first impression. That my quietness can come across as snobbiness, but really I’m just too afraid to say anything. I don’t care how I look I will never feel like the pretty girl. That might be how I look to an outsider but I promise you I found my sweater in the hamper this morning and I didn’t shower today. I am not the pretty girl. I am the nice girl. I am the everyone lets get along girl. I am the people pleasing pushover girl. I am not the pretty girl. (Why is pretty synonymous to mean in my head?)
I am the girl with cold feet and a stuffy nose sitting in the parking ramp typing on her phone waiting for the minutes to tick by so she can go inside.
That’s who I am.
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