17 Apr

When people meet me they rarely think that I could be shy or insecure. I appear to be outgoing and I am friendly. In some cases (drunk ones) I am outgoing and I do always score high on the extrovert scale. However I’m currently sitting in my car in the parking lot and have been for the last 10 minutes. I’ll be here another 15 more.

This is why I hate to be early. I don’t like the aloneness. I don’t like having to speak to people I don’t know. My stomach flips and dismounts preparing itself for the summer Olympic games. I’m too nervous to move.

I’ve been told by people who are now my friends that I’m intimidating at first impression. That my quietness can come across as snobbiness, but really I’m just too afraid to say anything. I don’t care how I look I will never feel like the pretty girl. That might be how I look to an outsider but I promise you I found my sweater in the hamper this morning and I didn’t shower today. I am not the pretty girl. I am the nice girl. I am the everyone lets get along girl. I am the people pleasing pushover girl. I am not the pretty girl. (Why is pretty synonymous to mean in my head?)

I am the girl with cold feet and a stuffy nose sitting in the parking ramp typing on her phone waiting for the minutes to tick by so she can go inside.

That’s who I am.


Linked with Just Write.

14 Responses to “Nerves.”

  1. Amanda April 17, 2012 at 6:50 am #

    Sounds like you and me were made from the same cloth! I bet there are a lot of women out there that feel this exact same way.

    • Marta April 18, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

      =) I think there probably are but we probably won’t speak to each other =)

  2. gojulesgo April 17, 2012 at 8:27 am #

    God, can I relate to this experience! I seriously have created routes in the hallways at work that cause me to bump into the fewest amount of people. (On the plus side, it often forces me to take 6 flights of stairs to avoid the elevator. ;))

    It’s amazing how discrepant our view of ourself can be with the person that others see. Getting to know you through this blog, I always thought you were more on the shy, introspective side (then of course you turned that view on its head with your uncensored Easter post, LOL, which I LOVED)! And a pretty (not mean) girl, either way! ;)

    • Marta April 18, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

      Haha, most people who know me IRL don’t think that (well I mean I hope that they think I’m pretty and not mean) because I’m usually the loud, making jokes, flirty one who likes to be the center of attention. Shocking isn’t it? I’m adding it to our to do list along with TV watching — drinking.

  3. Amanda April 17, 2012 at 8:33 am #

    Are we twins!?I could have written this!

    • Marta April 18, 2012 at 4:07 pm #

      haha. Maybe! As an only child I did like to pretend that I had a long lost sister!

  4. By Word Of Mouth Musings April 18, 2012 at 6:54 pm #

    Too funny to read this right now as I am packing to head to the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop – a workshop! if they ask me to write something and then speak. I may die ;)

    • Marta April 18, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

      Ooo that sounds like fun! You’ll be amazing if you have to speak! I don’t like knowing ahead of time when I have to present because then I stress out about it, but impromptu you have no time to stress!

  5. Nelly April 21, 2012 at 6:51 am #

    I’m the girl who brings a magazine to a bar so if I arrive first, I have something to read while I wait. Heaven forbid I should actually have to talk to somebody. I make myself completely unapproachable.

    • Marta April 22, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

      Ha, that is what my cell phone is for. I have in fact pretended to be talking on it before just to be extra unapproachable!!

  6. parentingbydummies (@dumbparent) April 23, 2012 at 5:33 am #

    Yes! This was totally me, especially in high school. People always thought I was stuck up because I didn’t talk to people when really I was just shy and nervous. Plus I never understood why I had to be all introduc-y and stuff when I was the new person in the room?! It’s gotten better in the last few years at least outwardly; I make it a point to not seem uncomfortable when really my mind is screaming inside in new situations. Surprisingly, I still have issues on the phone!

    • Marta April 23, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

      Oh I HATE the phone. I honestly rather do something in person than over the phone, it doesn’t make any sense. I did the thing once on Seinfeld were I ate an apple while talking on the phone just to seem more casual/easy going (and it 100% worked, we talked on the phone for 45 minutes!). George clearly had the right idea.

  7. Good Day, Reg People (@GDRPempress) April 23, 2012 at 9:57 pm #

    Thanks for stopping by, so I could stop by, and we can hold hands together on this. I totally get you.

    100 percent.


    • Marta April 23, 2012 at 10:02 pm #

      I’m so proud of you for not letting your nerves get to you! I will try and remember that next time. I have a quote somewhere at my desk about how “if you do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.” Its so easy to tell yourself these things and so much harder to act on them.

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