19 Dec

I very rarely talk about controversial issues. However, I have posted my thoughts on gender and gay marriage before. I have always been clear about it. There is nothing that I find more disgusting then when someone tries to tell another person who they can and can’t love. You have no right to tell my friends who they can be or be with and I will go to my grave fighting for them. One of my best friends, the GodMummy, is getting married in 2013. I will be her bridesmaid. Bear, her godson, will be a ring bearer and if I have my way Bella will be one of the flower girls too. There is nothing that makes me more proud than to be able to stand next to her as she gets married to her wife. As a mother, nothing makes me happier than to show my children firsthand that marriage and love are gender irrelevant.

My mother and I had a big argument about gender on Saturday. As I drove the hour to meet a friend of mine I called her and flouted the idea of me going to Greece with a friend of mine. A male friend of mine. Her reaction was tantamount to me declaring my decision to run a brothel. The problem was not that I was going on vacation, not that I was going without the H, but that I was going with a man. Yes, on the surface I understand why this is perceived as odd. I get it, but her reaction was disproportionate to the situation. Who cares what gender my friend is. He is in fact, just a friend. Our conversation took a severe left turn about the differences in gender and I stood by my belief that there shouldn’t be any.

This is how our conversation went:

Men and women are just different. Men don’t wear makeup.

But they can and if they wanted to, they should.

But that’s wrong.

Why, why is it wrong?

Because it is.

But why?

You’re saying if you went to the bank and the male teller had on make up that wouldn’t make you uncomfortable?


If the H wanted to wear eye shadow you’d be fine with it?

I’d take him to Sephora.

Well would you pee in a store?

Um no.


Well because its wrong.


To be clear, you’re comparing a man wearing makeup to urinating in a store?


Needless to say, we never came to a resolution.

So what do you think: Do you think a man and woman can be friends and go on a vacation together? Do you think men can wear makeup? What are your thoughts on public urination?

11 Responses to “Proud.”

  1. Nicole December 19, 2011 at 10:01 am #

    I agree that you should be who you want to be or be with whoever you want to be with without judgement. Men can wear makeup. As for the public urination, sometimes you just have to go.

    • M December 19, 2011 at 12:36 pm #

      Well obviously Friday showed my feelings on that matter =)

  2. Sarah December 19, 2011 at 10:42 am #

    Yeah, your mom is being uptight. As long as the H is comfortable with it, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be “allowed” to go on vacation with a guy friend. People may rise an eyebrow at it, but that’s not your problem.
    And as for comparing urinating in a store to a man wearing make-up… I kind of have to LOL at that. It’s just too ridiculous and doesn’t even make sense.

    • M December 19, 2011 at 12:36 pm #

      Indeed =)

      I agree, people will definitely raise their eyes, but I’m not going to let it stop me from going to the place I’ve always wanted to go. I named my dogs after two Greek cities!

  3. Rebecca Kling December 19, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    One’s a public health hazard and one’s, um, not? Out of curiosity, what does your mom think of me?

    • M December 19, 2011 at 12:34 pm #

      The argument was obviously extremely flawed. She has never said anything remotely negative about you and has always used the proper names/pronouns. I think she walks a line of being accepting, but obviously having some sort of deep rooted issue with it.

      • Rebecca Kling December 19, 2011 at 1:06 pm #

        I think it’s tough. There are political views people think they “should” have, but then there are situations (like this one) were their real views come out.

  4. Marisa December 19, 2011 at 2:52 pm #

    I’m actually going on two vacations this Winter without my s.o. and we both decided that it was perfectly fine. I have the time and desire to travel – he not so much. I think it’ll work out great for us as I’ll come back much happier and relaxed, which he likes in the long run.

    That being said, one of them is with a girlfriend from college, and the other is with 3 gay men. I have not told my mom about the trip with the guys. Part of it is guilt over planning two trips, but another part of it is my own uncertainty about what she would think.

    I don’t think she’d compare it to public urination though! lol I hope you guys agreed to disagree on that whole subject.

  5. Kate (@PerpetuallyKate) December 20, 2011 at 12:32 am #

    I personally don’t think heterosexual men and women can be ‘just friends’ but that doesn’t mean that I disagree with equal rights! Your mom seems like she needs to educate herself on the issues and stop justifying her feelings of prejudice. Sorry you had to deal with that.

    • Rebecca December 20, 2011 at 12:37 am #

      I personally don’t think heterosexual men and women can be ‘just friends’ but that doesn’t mean that I disagree with equal rights!

      I dunno. A woman being attracted to men doesn’t mean she’s attracted to every man, or is unable to reign in her attraction. Likewise, a heterosexual man isn’t attracted to every woman, with uncontrollable lust.

  6. gojulesgo December 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm #

    The peeing comment and your ending question cracked me up! I am a huge supporter of same-sex marriages, but I’ve always had difficulty having male friends and not developing at least a little crush on them! So it would be odd for me to go on vacation with another guy, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it!

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