Who I’m Pretending To Be

3 Oct

Inside my body is filled with blood, bones and words.

I spend a significant amount of my time writing in my head. Emails I haven’t sent. Conversations I haven’t spoken. Posts I haven’t published. My mind is filled to the brim with words piling on top of one another. Words, letters, punctuations, and stories begging to tumble off my lips. Begging to spill onto the page. Self affirmations I say, pictures I paint of a person I want to be. I pretend to be.

I like to think that I am not a person who waits around for life to happen to her (after all I am quite impatient). I like to think that I abide by the tattoo on my back, a reminder to live. How much of that is wishful thinking and not action?

I’m tired of pretending to be the person I want to be. It’s time to start becoming.

I pretend to be strong, when I am really weak. But I won’t be weak anymore.

I pretend to be fearless, when I am really afraid. But I will no longer be afraid, I will be brave.

I pretend to be cheerful, when I am depressed. But I won’t let my past control my future.

I pretend to be whole, when I am empty. But I will no longer expect someone else to fulfill me.

I pretend to be secure, when I am insecure. But I will not let anyone else define me.

I am going to become the person I’ve always been pretending to be.

Linked up with Just Be Enough

19 Responses to “Who I’m Pretending To Be”

  1. angela October 3, 2011 at 12:55 pm #

    Thank you for linking up with Just Be Enough. Sometimes the first step in making changes is just realizing what we want to change. Good luck making changes that help the inside match what you want to portray on the outside.

    • M October 4, 2011 at 10:55 am #

      Thank you, its much easier said than done!

  2. LatteJunkie October 4, 2011 at 12:19 am #

    wow… powerful and metamorphic. I am sure that with an honesty like this, you will be able to just.be.enough. Thank you for sharing


    • M October 4, 2011 at 10:55 am #

      Thank you, it was motivating to share it publicly. =) Sort of holds me accountable.

  3. Tracie October 4, 2011 at 1:27 am #

    This is so powerful. And so what I need to do….to read these words you have written as a reminder to myself that I can become the person I’ve pretended to be.

    • M October 4, 2011 at 10:56 am #

      Thank you. That means a lot. Its sometimes even harder to live up to your own expectations of yourself than others.

  4. Tatter Scoops October 4, 2011 at 1:58 am #

    This is so beautiful and hit home to me. Thank you for sharing these wise words. I should print this and read it daily if I can :D

    • M October 4, 2011 at 10:56 am #

      =) You know what I should too. Writing it helped me feel more accountable to living up to it.

  5. Deborah the Closet Monster October 4, 2011 at 11:56 pm #

    I love that conclusion, and hope you enjoy the journey–despite (or sometimes because of?) the occasional, inevitable pitfall!

    • Marta October 14, 2011 at 8:10 am #

      Yes, I’m sure there will be pitfalls. Why is it so easy to think these things, but so much harder to make them happen? Also, why am I so late in replying to comments? =)

  6. Missy | Literal Mom October 5, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    Visiting from Just Be Enough. I think of bravery as doing something even when you’re still scared. At least that’s how it is with my sometimes.

    • Marta October 14, 2011 at 8:11 am #

      I think you’re right :-) When you do it despite fear, that is bravery.

  7. Virginia October 5, 2011 at 7:33 pm #

    Go go go! But, as you’re on your journey to become who you’re pretending to be, maybe you’ll discover that you want to be x or y or z. :) Stay open to possibilities as you’re in the process of becoming.

    (I came here from the Just Be enough linkup.)

    • Marta October 14, 2011 at 8:11 am #

      Thank you! =)

  8. Alison@Mama Wants This October 7, 2011 at 8:08 pm #

    It takes a lot to first admit that you’re pretending to be someone you want to be, so bravo! And good luck, once you believe in yourself and take baby steps, you’ll get there.

    Thanks for linking up with JBE!

    • M October 10, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

      Thanks. I really believe that’s true. Its all those tiny steps together.

  9. Cindy October 12, 2011 at 8:42 am #

    Bravery is not the absence of fear. Bravery is the shit we do even thougha we’re afraid. This is the post of a brave person, because it takes courage to put yourself out there like this. Hugs!

    • Marta October 14, 2011 at 8:12 am #

      THANK YOU! So far I haven’t been hurt by putting myself out here, but I know that is an inevitability and I hope that will never affect my candidness when I write!


  1. A Letter to My Future Self « Lost and Forgotten - October 10, 2011

    […] have tried to be the person I am pretending to be. Then yesterday a small crack appeared in my hardened exterior, threatening to expose this delicate […]

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