You Probably Won’t Read This

6 Sep

I wrote a post on August 19th, scheduled it, and then put it back in draft.

I was afraid to publish it.

I censored myself.

I guess I grew some cajones today, because I’ve decided to screw it and publish it anyway. Come what may:

I will probably never be big
and you may never like me
or ever know me.

But I no longer care
who follows me and who doesn’t.
The quantities of my stumbles, likes, comments, or stats.

You will never notice me in the crowd
but I will still be there, with my two kids, my iphone
and the frazzled look on my unwashed face.

I’m sick of your posts filled with reviews and thousands of ways to enter.
I hate your retweets of all the popular bloggers.
I’m not going to follow you so you follow me.

I will not try so hard to be noticed by someone
who is no better than me just because they have thousands of hits a day.
Some of you bore me, with your multiple posts a day,
your instagram pics of your dinner or the same hairstyle you’ve always had.
And I’ve never cared about your Klout score.

I hate one sided conversations.

I’m not going to care anymore that you don’t talk to me on twitter.
No more random memes. Or linkys. Or triberr.
None of all these different ways to get you to see me.

I’m tired of these stupid twitter feuds over nothing.
I’m done thinking you’re better than me (you’re not).
I write because I have something to say (not because it’s sponsored).
I hate that my google reader is filled with 100s of unread posts of people I should be following.

I know there are some amazing voices out there.
Undiscovered. Unstumbled. Unnoticed on people’s blogrolls.
I hate that I may never find you.
Or your instagram pictures of adorable kids I want to see.
I probably don’t follow you on twitter.
Or know that your husband died unless some big blogger retweeted the news.
Or know that you’re sick. Or depressed or suffering.
I hope to find you on the band.

The rest of this: it’s all bullshit.
It’s marketing.
It’s PR.
It’s smoke and mirrors.

So if you notice (which you won’t) that I stopped following you on twitter,
or unsubscribed you from my reader,
or stopped commenting.

This was why.

40 Responses to “You Probably Won’t Read This”

  1. E September 6, 2011 at 8:07 pm #

    Read it. LOVE IT.

  2. deshipley September 6, 2011 at 9:20 pm #

    I read this. (:

    • Marta September 7, 2011 at 3:48 pm #


      I was on the fence about a title, but then I figured this was most to the point!

  3. Deborah the Closet Monster September 6, 2011 at 10:24 pm #

    I hope it was cathartic both writing and posting this.

    I’ve been feeling more and more distressed/stressed by blogging. I’m taking a week off and it is glorious not to care about my stats. To see that life goes on and is a little bit more pleasant in the quietness left by not freaking out about any of this.

    I like the time to read the entries that land in my inbox and just savor them. Because I want to, not because I have to just to keep up.

    • gojulesgo September 7, 2011 at 10:07 am #

      Deb, I just wanted to say this was really refreshing to read! I’ve been struggling to keep up with the 20 or so blogs I follow (and LOVE) and am overwhelmed thinking about how many more wonderful ones there are that I don’t even know exist! Glad to know I’m not alone in this – I want to keep savoring everyone’s beautiful words, too🙂

      • Deborah the Closet Monster September 7, 2011 at 12:37 pm #

        I have a subscription list of 200 (and that’s down from 300 last week, oy!), roughly 20 of which* I read immediately.

        I read this post while walking my dog last night. After I got home and caught up on blogs, I used this as an opening to talk with Ba.D. about blogging in a way that’s healthy and joyous, instead of leaving me incessantly checking my phone for its alluring green blink of new-commentness.

        I’m feeling pretty good after that conversation. I’m going to “schedule” one post a week and post otherwise only if there’s something I really want to say–and not, like now, because I crave/require constant connectivity! I think it’s going to be rough retraining myself, but I also think it will be worth it. I’m glad for how this post opened up that dialogue!

        * This includes yours, obviously🙂

        • Marta September 7, 2011 at 3:50 pm #

          Yeah its ridiculous how many I subscribe to and read. I hate the concept of missing out on something. But you’re right I’m totally overwhelmed with keeping up and I can’t remotely keep up with the load that I’ve got!

  4. Kiki Harshman September 6, 2011 at 10:55 pm #

    i too am taking a week off to regroup
    i dont do give aways or any of that shit – if i repost or promote another blogger it’s out of true admiration for their material. I read this and I totally got where you are coming from. Nice cajones em balls btw

  5. Jen - Life With Levi September 6, 2011 at 11:37 pm #

    Oh, I sooo needed to read this. And I’m glad I did.

    Can’t wait to see you on Friday and connect without a million other stupid distractions.

  6. Lesmarie September 7, 2011 at 5:28 am #

    I read it, and give it a 2 thumbs up!!
    I have 3 lone followers and some days I want to bribe/pay/beg/force people to follow me and then there are days when I know It is ok to just write ‘cos I can!
    Well done!!

  7. Robin | Farewell, Stranger September 7, 2011 at 9:36 am #

    Love this. Do it for yourself and no other reason. Do it however it works for you.

  8. gojulesgo September 7, 2011 at 10:04 am #

    I read it and I love it! You’re so right (and other commenters who said similiar things here) — it’s about doing it for the pure joy of writing, sharing and connecting with like-minded souls. Who knew blogging could be so political? I have to remind myself every day not to get caught up in the other junk. All it leads to is stress and demotivation.

  9. Cookie's Mom September 7, 2011 at 1:59 pm #

    Thanks for speaking all of our minds! I do feel a real sense of duty to follow people back and to try to keep up with bloggers who have shown me their support, but I’m also starting to step back. Only… it looks a little like this: I’m going to participate in just this one more thing and then….. and then…. Sigh. I too the whole month of August off. I’m not any further ahead, BUT it did give me heaps of perspective, as has your post. Thanks!

    • Cookie's Mom September 7, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

      Bah! Sorry – posted twice. I stopped my post to correct a typo, but it went through anyway. You can delete these two.

      • Marta September 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

        =) I’ve tried to step back and I just can’t seem to. I keep getting sucked in adding yet another subscription, reading and commenting yet on another blog!

  10. Cookie's Mom September 7, 2011 at 2:00 pm #

    Thanks for speaking all of our minds! I do feel a real sense of duty to follow people back and to try to keep up with bloggers who have shown me their support, but I’m also starting to step back. Only… it looks a little like this: I’m going to participate in just this one more thing and then….. and then…. Sigh. I took the whole month of August off. I’m not much further ahead, BUT it did give me heaps of perspective, as has your post. Thanks!

  11. Cindy September 7, 2011 at 5:18 pm #

    Rock on.

  12. Courtney (@CourtneyMarie35) September 8, 2011 at 12:32 am #

    I read it and thought it was great.

    • M September 8, 2011 at 3:43 pm #

      Thank you🙂

  13. rima September 8, 2011 at 1:29 pm #

    Hi Marta,

    I do know how you feel, because I’ve been there, too. And one of the reasons I don’t always comment on all the blogs I read is because awhile ago I decided not to let blogging interfere with my life. So sometimes there are days on end when I don’t even check Twitter or my Reader, so that the times when I feel like doing it and have the time to don’t feel like a chore.

    It’s hard not to sometimes feel overlooked and underappreciated in the blog world, but perspective – and the realization that you are doing it because you like to – certainly helps.

    • M September 8, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

      I’ve never really thought of it interfering, but it does sometimes. It also stresses me out because I always feel like I’m behind! But you’re right I need to realize more that I’m doing it for ME and not for an audience. Even after I wrote the post and finally published it, I’m still not adhering entirely to my own thoughts! I’ve probably checked stats like three times today. =)

  14. Kim Tracy Prince September 9, 2011 at 11:08 am #

    WOW! Yes, how timely. Thank you for popping up on my blog – it is nice to come back here.

    • M September 10, 2011 at 11:46 am #

      I know it was crazy. It’s happened a few times that I’ve written something and then someone else I follow wrote a similar thing. Its great to feel like you’re not alone in your thoughts!

  15. Bridget September 10, 2011 at 2:00 pm #

    It’s funny isn’t it? We all talk about being fair and the mom pledge and all that, but some of us think we are above others. Silly, really because no one really cares about bloggers at all. We could all shut down tomorrow and guess what would happen? Nothing.

    Thanks for posting this.

    • M September 11, 2011 at 3:44 pm #

      You’re totally right. Nothing would happen. To an extent I want to believe it’s not intentional but women can be so damn cliquey! Having kids doesn’
      t make you exempt from that!

  16. Kate (@PerpetuallyKate) September 10, 2011 at 8:58 pm #

    You are lovely. And this post is perfect. And we met at just the perfect moment. I am so glad. You can write your a#^ off, woman.

    • M September 11, 2011 at 3:45 pm #

      I am so glad we met too =)

  17. Jo Z (@MinnesotaJoY) September 11, 2011 at 8:25 am #

    I just now saw this and it is perfect. You are indeed lovely. Harper and I are lucky that we got to spend time with you.

    • M September 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm #

      So are you! I had a great time hanging out with both of you!

  18. The Slacker Mom September 11, 2011 at 10:17 am #

    Well you obviously have lots of lovely readers and followers (many more than I!) and I for one think this is a great post. It’s tough finding the balance. and I won’t stop following or reading or tweeting. it was great to meet you this weekend🙂

    • M September 11, 2011 at 3:48 pm #

      Ha! I’ve never had this many comments it definitely an anomaly. This weekend and the conference really helped me put in perspective WHY I write. Sure I’d love if more people read but it’s not all about that. =) it was great to meet you too.

  19. Rebekah September 11, 2011 at 11:07 am #

    lol. Nice!

  20. anymommy September 11, 2011 at 12:25 pm #

    I read this and I hear you. It’s the easiest thing in the world to start feeling lost and unheard in this enormous world of words, but there are incredible people writing blogs (as there are in every part of our lives) and finding the ones you love and forging real friendships with them are what it’s all about. I think, at least. So, I’m glad that’s where you are.

    • M September 11, 2011 at 3:51 pm #

      I think that’s definitely were I’ve come back to. I went to a local blogging conference yesterday and remembered why I write. To write not to gain popularity. And I read because I love what others say not because they’re “important”. =)

  21. Angeline September 11, 2011 at 5:38 pm #

    This is so very true, thank you for posting it!

  22. PikaPikaChick September 16, 2011 at 3:21 pm #

    This is absolutely fantastic. I couldn’t agree more. Welcome to my RSS feed! 😀

  23. Mixed Gems October 7, 2011 at 5:56 am #

    I don’t know how I came across this post but just wanted to say I totally get it. I’ve felt the same but not articulated it as well as you. Then I stop and remind myself I didn’t get into this for a lot of followers. But it’s hard not to get sucked into the vortex. It’s like a moth to the flame sometimes. It’d be nice if you can get the endorsement of the bigger bloggers but then they often don’t have the time to add a newbie to their established follower’s list unless you happen to shine like a supanova, like I’ve seen it happen a couple of times. So I go back to my original motivations for blogging and try to stay true to myself. A rationalisation of my Google Reader doesn’t go astray either; that’s my current goal for the weekend.

    • Marta October 7, 2011 at 8:06 am #

      Well I’m glad you found your way over! I agree, I didn’t get into it for followers. I didn’t even know that was a possibility! I think its my inner desire to always be liked, kind of middle school hold over for wanting the popular girls to like me. I didn’t have that problem in high school, but maybe my inner 13 year old is suddenly surfacing.

      Hope your google reader didn’t go astray!


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