Passive Parenting

24 Mar

Sometimes I worry that the H and I are too passive of parents. I started thinking this when watching Bethenny Ever After because Bethenny was saying that when you become a parent you’ll do whatever it takes to get your child out of a situation that you’re uncomfortable with. She had no qualms being possibly rude to her nanny and the congregation because she felt uncomfortable with how her baby was being passed about to strangers. Her husband Jason on the other hand felt the same way, but was too concerned with social graces to intervene. I feel in many ways that I would respond the way that Jason did and in fact I do.

This came up most recently on Tuesday when I needed to take Bella to daycare and mention her doctor’s visit on Friday and thus the medicine she needs to take. I was fine bringing the amoxicillin and asking them to give it to her twice a day, but I didn’t feel comfortable asking them to use the nebulizer, or even mentioning that in her doctor’s visit this was prescribed. I felt uncomfortable asking them to do more and to do something difficult. You’d think considering the fact that I pay $1,838 a month for them to watch my children I’d feel comfortable asking them to do something like this, but I don’t. And then yesterday when I picked her up I noticed that on her sheet it appeared that they only gave her medicine once, but gave her a puree twice. I had asked that she only have the puree with lunch and just have cereal for breakfast and also to give her medicine after breakfast and lunch. But I again didn’t say anything. Finally this morning, I mentioned at least the medicine to Bella’s daycare teacher I love, but refrained from mentioning that they fed her twice. I don’t know why I’m so strange about these things. I think it comes from my fear of talking to people. I have no problems sending an email or a letter but if I need to call or talk to a person face to face I get all strange about it. You’d think when it comes to my children I could get over it.

Another example was at Bear’s 4 year visit when I expressed some slight concern with our doctor about Bear’s writing skills. He didn’t pass his kindergarten readiness exam in November largely due to the fact that he couldn’t draw the things they asked (that and the fact that he said “I can’t” to everything they asked even though he could) so she had him draw a stick figure for her. Which he couldn’t do (are four year olds really supposed to know how to do that??) well or really at all. She expressed that if we were concerned to look into an Occupational Therapist. Here’s where my mind went a million miles an hour. An occupational therapist? For a four year old? For drawing stick figures? How much would this cost? What was wrong with my son? Why hasn’t his teacher expressed concern?

I called the H in a fury, mostly angry at that point. Angry that he didn’t know how to do it. Angry that he also got frustrated in the doctor’s office because he didn’t like the stickers. Angry that I had somehow failed as a parent because there was something wrong with Bear that he needed to see an OT. Then eventually I of course calmed down. I went on one of those community sites and posed the question at how other four year olds were doing with their writing skills. I found a huge discrepancy between girls and boys. It did seem however that Bear was slightly behind, but more from disinterest than actual fine motor skills capabilities. I then finally actually talked to his teacher about it! Who would have thought! She said that she’s had other parents ask her the same thing, but that the boys are much more interested in playing and doing other activities than drawing and that its really hard to get them to do the task. She said Bear just does the task to complete it and then rushes off to play with his friends. She also said that she has learned from the seminars she’s attended that the most important thing isn’t to force or pressure them because then they’ll never want to do it. More so make it a fun activity that they want to do. The catch 22 being that Bear doesn’t want to do it because he’s not good at it and he’s not good at it because he never practices.

We’ve been trying to have him practice his letters every day. In fact I bought him this Kumon letters that come with a dry erase marker for him to trace and practice them. He actually likes doing it and you can see a marked improvement. He for some reason is very offended by the letter Q and tries to throw that card away. Its quite amusing actually. Now we need to actually do this everyday.

I just wish I wasn’t so passive and could be more proactive with these things! Or like at a recent birthday party of Bear’s friends we attend where I sheepishly stood around awkwardly not talking to the parents! I need to get Bear to some playdates and acquire some mommy friends. Even if my friends actually started having kids (first preferably started getting married) our kids would be in completely different age brackets that it wouldn’t even matter.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,022 other followers