2010 New Years Resolutions Results

First let’s see how I did in 2010 with the resolutions I set  last year:

January:

Result: I was pregnant so I ate like it and I did not exercise. I slept. According to mint.com I ate out 10 times in January.

• Stop eating like I’m pregnant or famished.
  • Measured by using my iphone calorie counting app
• Start exercising regularly in preparation for May’s 1/2 Marathon
  • 3x per week
• Continue concept of “No Chipotle December”
  • Eat out 2X for lunch the whole month and once for dinner with the H
  • Exclusion being my birthday

February:

Result: Looking at credit card debt spreadsheet my debt did NOT increase. And I did NOT have any categories in the red. Woohoo!

• Continue previous 3 goals.
• Accrue no new credit card debt
• Actually stick to budget for once.
  • Have no category in the red on mint

March:

Result: Gained weight (pregnant). Spent a lot on Bear’s birthday.

• Continue previous goals
• Have lost 5 lbs
• Don’t go overboard on son’s birthday
  • Keep party spending under $50, do not buy additional gifts.

April:

Result: No Training, Budge was in the green and I did pay off my Target card!

• Have run reasonable time on half marathon training
• Keep budget in the green and continue No Chipotle December principles
• Have paid down half of Target credit card.
  • or more depending on tax return!

May:

Result: Neither (pregnant)

• Run 1/2 Marathon!
• Go to Vegas and win Big!
  • I will settle with not losing big

By end of 2010:

Result:

• Had a baby.
• Paid off credit cards then bought windows, a fridge, a pool, had my carpet cleaned, had a baby.
• Did not keep budget in the green (except for January, February and April)
• Spent bijillions on Christmas
  

• Have gotten to ideal weight
• Have paid off Target credit card, and some of Citi card.
• Have kept to budget (as much as possible)
• Did not spend bijillions on Christmas.

Weeks 33-36

Sigh, overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. Ever since my “promotion” its been crazy hectic at work, non stop, so I barely have a moment to breathe much less do things like blog.

The last three weeks have been hard too. Traveling to DC turned out to be fine, the airplane ride was okay. However, the first day I walked too much in flip flops in the DC heat so the next day I could barely stand my feet ached so much. I had to make an emergency trip to the store forgoing my first session so I could buy some reasonable footwear. My fingers and feet were so swollen. I had to take off my rings because they were so tight around my newly developed sausages.

I managed to (mostly from sheer will and hatred of feeling like I’m missing out on something) stay up past midnight every night in order to go out with everyone and still wake up by 8 am for breakfast and morning sessions. Watching people drink was torturous however knowing what an entirely different experience I would be having if I could be drunk with so many friends I haven’t seen in a long time on Saturday night, or indulging in the free conference provided liquor with my fellow attendees. Instead I sipped my coke bitterly.

I didn’t even realize how exhausting the conference was until I returned and proceeded to sleep  all day. Ever since I’ve been big on the weekend naps. This past Monday was one of those instances where if I didn’t know better it felt like I was just in the first trimester with how drowsy and exhausted I was. I couldn’t for the life of me wake up. I wish I had the luxury of PTO (and not so many tasks) to be able to not work 10 hour days for the remaining weeks. By the time Saturday arrives I’m so drained from 10 hour work days (with non-stop work) that I can’t seem to do anything else but lay around. I still feel guilty on Mondays when I keep having to tell Bear that no, unfortunately mommy can’t play with him, because mommy needs to rest. I feel like I’m hurting his feelings, like he thinks I don’t want to play with him, not that I really just can’t keep walking around pretending to hunt aliens. In fact every time I do walk anywhere he accuses me of being able to walk, when I had just said I couldn’t walk.

Plus in the last two weeks my reflux has been so bad that I’ve thrown up twice. One of those times being yesterday. I still can’t shake that feeling from when I had morning sickness in the beginning where I worry I’m going to throw up the baby. I have to say, if I throw up this monstrous being in my belly, it would be quite the feat. Pretty sure I can’t open my jaw up that wide. She feels so huge in my belly, I can see her moving around trying to find some space, and in the process making me empty out anything that could possibly be in her way. I swear sometimes I go to the bathroom with legs so close together because I worry I’m not going to make it in time.

I do however get great amusement about how much I waddle. When I walk down the hallways I’ll occasionally smile to myself about my waddle. This of course happens on the return back from the restroom.

Her giantness in my belly has caused major stretch mark action requiring me to shell out $40 for the expensive stretch mark cream I used last time around. However, I really do recommend Mustela and I had a 20% off coupon.

I’ve been crazy emotional, from the stress at work and the hormones of course. One night The H was making me a sandwich and he did it incorrectly (he was cutting a piece of french bread and instead of putting the ham in like a sub he had two thick slices of bread with ham in between it. I can’t open  my mouth up that big either) and I just started sobbing. Because my sandwich was wrong, because everything was wrong. It was ridiculous.

What else? Swelling, reflux, constantly going to bathroom, emotional, stretch marks, exhaustion… oh and yes shoulder pain. My upper back and shoulders were in such pain last week that I literally almost had to take some Tylenol because no amount of rubbing or Bengay where doing anything for me. It’s gotten a little better but I came so close to shelling out the $60 to get a massage just to feel some temporary relief.

Oh yes, money. I looked into alternate daycare in our area (centers not in home). And they all cost as much as what our current daycare costs. One was $40 less a month, but I’m not sure if its worth it to move them from a daycare we love for a fairly insubstantial difference. For the two of them in daycare for 3 days a week (Keep in mind – 3 days not even a full 5 day work week) it will cost us $1,850 a month. Which is you know more than my mortgage and ridiculous. But such is life. I know I should negotiate for more at work given the substantial increase in responsibilities I’ve taken on, but I’m a ninny and I don’t want it to feel like an ultimatum where I won’t come back if they don’t give me the money.

I met with payroll today to discuss what my paychecks are going to be like on leave and it appears as though I”m only 20 hours short of PTO so there will only be half a week where I’ll be unpaid during my 12 week leave so that’s good. It sucks that I probably used those 20 hours needlessly at some point this summer, but not being able to take any PTO when its been beautiful outside and I had been so bored was quite challenging.

Otherwise we’re pretty well set on baby things with minimal out of pocket expenses on our part. Largely due to the $280 giftcard I got from Medica in which I used to buy all the stuff I actually registered for. My baby showers have been quite generous, even though I got tons of non-registry, non gift receipt items that made me want to slightly shoot myself.

The nursery is done. I’ve packed my labor bag. I bought a bottle of SkinnyGirl Margarita to enjoy when I can finally drink. The only thing left to do is to install the carseats.  I have my ultrasound tomorrow and on Monday I start my weekly OB appointments.  I am ready for this baby to be out.

Any guesses on when it will happen? Actual due date is September 21st.

Weeks 31-33

Today has been one of those days where I feel totally deflated of all energy. I haven’t been sleeping well. The last 2 out of 3 nights Bear has come into our bed, which only increases my uncomfort. 2 adults (1 8 mths pregnant no less) 2 dogs and a 3 year old do not belong in a queen sized bed. Granted I don’t believe Athens spent much time in our bed, because he too requires more space than that. This morning if I wasn’t already pregnant I would have thought I was because of how exhausted and drowsy I was, completely incapable of rising, just like in the first few weeks of pregnancy.

Everything was going fine, doctor’s appointment fine, Bear in a jolly mood, I loaded the dishwasher, started the laundry. And then the dryer broke. Again. Luckily after consulting the H I was able to fix it and continue with the much needed laundry before my business trip to DC. However that brief moment where something went astray completely through me off and has left me wanting to lay like a thud and gorge on salty fries and not move.

However, I have once again completed another month where we spent frightfully too much on food and indulging in these fries would be a stupid decision.

The latest pregnancy woes have been a lot incontinence and reflux. Awesome. Pregnancy does terrible things to your body is my conclusion. And I have to say I’m not a big fan of the kegel, so I don’t do them (I know I know I should), but I feel weird and like I’m somehow not doing it right so I just don’t. I prefer instead to wet myself. I think that’s a better alternative, no?

So after my last post in which I complained a lot about my weight I asked my Doc to pull up my chart from Bear’s pregnancy so I can see how does it truly compare. And I have to say that it made me feel a lot better for whatever reason. Mostly because this pregnancy thus far is closely mirroring my last one. Also, because lately people keep telling me how great I look and I have to say, I do sort of look pretty awesome now that I bought so many maternity clothes and am no longer dressing like some sort of slum whore.

These are my then baby (Bear in blue) and my now baby (Isabelly in pink) weights:

January 14, 2010               146                         Confirmation Apt

January 27, 2010               141                         6 Weeks

March 8, 2010                    142                         11.5 Weeks

April 5, 2010                        146                        15.5 Weeks

May 3, 2010                        150                         19.5 Weeks

June 7, 2010                       158                         25 Weeks

July 5, 2010                         166                         29 Weeks

July 22, 2010                       172                        31 Weeks

August 5, 2010                    175                         33 Weeks

August 16, 2010                 ??                             35 Weeks

July 18, 2006                       150                         Confirmation Apt

August 11, 2006                143                         8 Weeks

September 8, 2006          145                        12 Weeks

October 11, 2006               150                        17 Weeks

November 8, 2006            153                        21 Weeks

December 11, 2006          163                        26 Weeks

January 12, 2007               170                         30 Weeks

January 25, 2007                172                        32 Weeks

February 8, 2007                177                        34 Weeks

February 15, 2007            180                         36 Weeks

February 21, 2007             180                        37 Weeks

March 1, 2007                     184                        39 Weeks

Weeks 29-31

Well normally I write every four weeks, but since I’m in my third trimester and having doctor’s visits every two weeks I thought I would mirror my appointment schedule since I have so damn much to say.

I’ve been like an emotional roller coaster these last two weeks it seems. I feel like a giant, and well frankly I am a giant. I’ve gained another 6 lbs since my last visit making my total gain thus far 30 lbs. Way above what I was hoping to do, and I still have another 9 weeks left! The problem is I have this really unhealthy relationship with food. And since I’m so emotional right now, and tired, and lazy, its soooo much easier to say let’s have McDonald’s than here let’s make a wholesome dinner. No, I’m crabby and bored and I just want FOOD. Even (almost always) when I’m not even hungry. I feel like 60% of the time I’m eating when I’m not hungry.

In fact the last two dinners I ate, I wasn’t remotely hungry when I ate them. And the baja burger with fries I had for lunch yesterday at McGovern’s — not hungry when I ate it. But I cleaned my plate. Because food tastes delicious. And makes me feel good. And I’m pregnant so I should be allowed to eat right?

Well you see, no. I did this the last time I was pregnant. I ate as much as I wanted whenever I wanted just because I could. And then when things weren’t going well post-pregnancy I kept eating like I was pregnant. My lowest low I can still vividly recall in the bathroom, licking the tinfoil wrapper from the baked potato before I threw it away and catching my reflection in the mirror. I also remember sitting in my car in the Uptown VFW parking lot, crying on the phone to the H, because I felt so ashamed of how I looked that I didn’t want to go in and see my (skinny) friends.

I’m really concerned about this. Concerned about falling into that again. I worked so FUCKING hard to lose the weight last year. I mean I lost over 25 lbs. I was a fucking size 4. And now, now I have to do it all again? I was only at my goal weight 6 months before I got pregnant. I could have exercised during my pregnancy, done prenatal yoga and continued to eat healthy, but I chose/choose not to. I would rather have McDonalds and Chipotle once a week and lay in my bed.

I just can’t get my mind in the game. It’s so much easier to give up than work. And with work being so stressful and having all these things going on in my life it feels like I can’t possibly take the time and effort to take care of myself. It’s just too much.

Monday was awful. I haven’t had a day like that in a long time. I just moped about the house all day completely lifeless. I didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t clean like I was supposed to, I didn’t run any errands, I barely played with Bear which made me feel even more guilty and terrible like I was neglecting him. But all I wanted to do was lay around and cry. And I finished yet another book (my fourth book (start to finish) in 7 days) which ended sadly so I was already crying anyway.

I took a shower while Bear was napping trying to get a handle on what the hell was wrong with me and I came to the following conclusions:

• I’m worried that I’m not going to be able to handle two kids all by myself for three months. I barely have the energy to take care of Bear (is that just because I’m pregnant?) how can I give him the proper attention and care for a baby? (And try to lose all the pregnancy weight?)
• I don’t want loving Isabelly to change my love of Bear. In fact, I often always worry that somehow I won’t be able to love him as much as I do because she’ll be there taking away some of his love. I don’t want him to have even an iota less than he has now. I want to give him everything, and I don’t want her to be in his way.
• I don’t remember my labor/delivery at all. And from what the H tells me, it sounds pretty awful. I’m getting slightly panicky about going through that again.
• Breastfeeding was so painful last time, I’m terrified of going through that again.
• I worry it will take another 2 years (if even that) to lose the weight.
• I worry that she won’t be nearly as good as Bear. Who was never colicky, rarely cried, slept really well and was generally a happy go lucky guy.
• I worry she won’t be remotely as cute as him. He took the best of the H and my features. What if she has his small eyes and big cheeks and my thin hair and crooked nose?
• I worry that I’ll never be able to leave the house, and won’t shower for 3 months, and the house will look like a monsoon went through it, and we’ll eat McDonald’s everyday, and have no money and then die.

And this my friends is why I needed a damn double cheeseburger last night at 9:15 p.m.

Weeks 25-29

Well I’ve certainly gotten a whole lot bigger since the last post. According to this torture device known as a scale I’ve already gained 25 lbs. Considering 25-35 is normal baby weight gain (and I was hoping to stay closer to 25) and I have 11 weeks left I’m not too thrilled. Perhaps its because I can never seem to stop eating. I looooove eating.

At week 27 I finally had to cave and buy maternity clothes. Considering that I managed to get by with the bella band and my regular clothes for 27 weeks is fairly impressive. However that was not going to fly any longer. I was hoping to only spend $100 on maternity clothes thinking it was ridiculous even spending that much on something I would only wear for the next 3 months, but unfortunately maternity clothes are unnecessarily expensive. I suppose its worth the investment because if I had only invested in it my first pregnancy I would have had clothes this time around. So I figure I’ll take the hit now, be comfortable for the next three months and then have something to wear next time around. I wound up spending $219.22.

I got a denim skirt and a black top at Target Maternity (their selection was minimal), and then at Motherhood Maternity a pair of black pants and a top (ridiculously over priced store) and then at Old Navy (the store had little selection but I got a ton online) I got 2 pairs of jeans, 1 pair of khakis, 5 tees and 4 tops. So I’m pretty sure I’m set on maternity clothes and as I sit here today wearing my new pants and top in complete comfort I think it was worth it.

Sleeping remains uncomfortable and I’m constantly rubbing/itching my belly that seems to be stretching past capacity. Isabelly is also always kicking me, though rarely for anyone else. When I was in Chicago both LR and A managed to feel a few kicks from her, but usually she stops under pressure. Silly girl. It requires an enormous amount of pillows to make me comfortable and even then its barely comfortable.

I had my shower in Chicago which went really well, my friends did a great job throwing it. I got a bunch of cute girl clothes and books, and a few of the practical things I had registered for. My mother got us the bookshelf (we have the changing table attachment from Bear) that we needed. And I’m having a shower in Minnesota in August so hopefully I’ll pick up more of the things I need then. What I’m really hoping for is that the MIL buys us this stroller that I’ve done tons of research on and is highly recommended/rated. It’s also pricey.

I went on a registry purge afterwards in prep for my August Minnesota shower getting rid of anything I had registered for that wasn’t absolutely necessary in order to discourage people from getting me anything I don’t actually need (that is if they even shop of my registry to begin with). According to my calculations (not including diapers) its going to cost us $671.24 out of pocket to buy all the things on the registry that we actually need, so I’m hoping to MN shower will put a dent to that!

Also, apparently I did a really crappy job putting things away. For example yesterday I went to go get the wipes warmer from the basement to discover that I had absolutely no idea where the cord for the warmer was, it certainly wasn’t anywhere near the warmer itself or in any baby related box I looked. I also found one monitor but not the actual monitor system. I’m quite concerned that my baby registry will grow with essentials I need based solely on my crappy packing skills. Where are all these things?

My appointment yesterday went well. The Doc said that I’m measure exactly right for 29 weeks and calmed my concerns about the 10 lbs I’ve gained since last visit. Apparently I will plateau and it’s going to be okay. Now that I’m in my 3rd trimester I switch to visits every 2 weeks, but they should continue to be pretty routine: weight, blood pressure, listen to the heart beat, measure the fundus, send me home.

Other than my uncomfortable giantness everything’s good on the baby front. I love sitting in the slowly coming together nursery and looking at the few baby things we’ve accumulated thus far.

Here’s an updated pic of the bump: