The 12 Days of Kissass

On the first day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

a big pile of agony.

 

On the second day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

two paranoid co-workers

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the third day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the fourth day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

four shrieking voicemails,

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the fifth day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

five incoherent emails,

four shrieking voicemails,

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the sixth day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

six bosses a-bossing,

five incoherent emails,

four shrieking voicemails,

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the seventh day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

seven printers not a–printing,

six bosses a-bossing,

five incoherent emails,

four shrieking voicemails,

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the eight day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

eight interns a-tweeting,

seven printers not a–printing,

six bosses a-bossing,

five incoherent emails,

four shrieking voicemails,

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the ninth day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

nine ridiculous requests,

eight interns a-tweeting,

seven printers not a–printing,

six bosses a-bossing,

five incoherent emails,

four shrieking voicemails,

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the tenth day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

ten copiers a-copying,

nine ridiculous requests,

eight interns a-tweeting,

seven printers not a–printing,

six bosses a-bossing,

five incoherent emails,

four shrieking voicemails,

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the eleventh day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

eleven beepers beeping,

ten copiers a-copying,

nine ridiculous requests,

eight interns a-tweeting,

seven printers not a–printing,

six bosses a-bossing,

five incoherent emails,

four shrieking voicemails,

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

On the twelfth day of kissass

my shrew love gave to me

twelve tattlers tattling,

eleven beepers beeping,

ten copiers a-copying,

nine ridiculous requests,

eight interns a-tweeting,

seven printers not a–printing,

six bosses a-bossing,

five incoherent emails,

four shrieking voicemails,

three sleepless nights,

two paranoid co-workers,

and a big pile of agony.

 

 

 

Featured Image Snowbow from Jenny Downing’s Flickr

When You’re Disappointed

Every morning when I push myself out of my warm and cozy bed, I grab my cell phone off the charger and check my email as I get ready for the morning. This morning in between brushing my teeth and putting in my contacts I saw an email from the job I had applied for back at the end of July. The one I had already gone through an assessment, pre-interview, and two one hour phone interviews that went amazingly well.  My stomach knotted itself in excitement as I read the email, scanning ahead my eyes fell to the words, At this time, your skills and experience do not match with the opening we have.

I felt the floor drop from under me.

My hands shook as I placed my contacts in my eyes. To say I had all my eggs in one basket would be an understatement. This was my only basket. These were the only eggs I had. I had all of my hopes and dreams wrapped up in this. The interviews could not have gone better. I could not have felt more qualified and certain that I had nailed this. I never share with others when I’m interviewing to spare the disappointment of telling negative news. I shamelessly told everyone and anyone of this so certain that my life would turn around. That this would be the answer to all of my prayers. This would propel us out of the awful financial situation that two children in daycare create. This would make the last five and half years of my life meaningful because my career was going somewhere great. When you work some place, under a supervisor, that plummets your morale to the point that you don’t know how you walk out of work every day without blood on your hands you need a hope. A silver lining.

I lost it. I didn’t get. I got so close, but I didn’t close the deal. Worse than how much I wanted this. Worse than how high my hopes were. Worse than how much I needed this money. Worse is just that simply I have to still work here. I have to still come in every day with a smile on my face, keep quiet in meetings, dig my fingernails in my palm to keep from shouting; I have to waste more hours of my life here.

I won’t cry over this, despite how much they welled up as I sent E the text that I didn’t get it. Despite how much they wanted to as the H hugged me in condolence. I will not let this take me down. I will not wallow in the self-pity that looks so comforting.

I will analyze and dissect the emails and try to stay positive.

We normally send a standard email but I wanted to contact you personally.

However, I enjoyed meeting you and I think you have some real potential.  I will keep your name on a short list of candidates that we will look to in the future.  Stay in touch.

I didn’t get this. But I have an amazing group of friends at work that keep me sane, and alive and I get to stay with them longer. That is the most positive thing I can glean from all of this.

Written as a part of Heather of the E.O.’s Just Write.

There’s No Crying in Baseball

I don’t “believe” in crying at work. I’ve done it twice in the 5 years I’ve worked here and the last time was technically off site after the session ended so the only thing that qualifies it as “at work” was that it was in front of The Campaign Assistant. The other time was two years ago when I was told I couldn’t be on the planning committee for the conference I attend, and I cried in front of two of my IT friends.

I’ve never cried in front of the Prof.

I never want him to feel like he has that kind of power over me. I never want to give him the self satisfaction that he has the ability to cause me that kind of emotional stress. He definitely does, but I don’t want him to know about it. Plus, there’s the part of me that generally feels like crying at work is inappropriate and that it makes women in the workplace look bad that we get emotional and breakdown.

My friend/co-worker, the New Mom, was just crying. For the second time in two weeks in front of the Prof. I 100% sympathize, last time she cried I was having a shit awful day and almost joined in myself. But at the same time now she has this reputation for being “emotional.” She’s cried in front of the Dragon Lady in her previous position so its been something the higher ups have been aware of. In fact, when the Prospect Researcher got laid of last week she got asked if she wanted to take the day off because it might be too emotional for her.

I think that’s some BS. Why is she getting treated differently? She gets things sugar coated for her because people worry about upsetting her. No one sugar coats shit for me. The Prof flat out told me I suck on Tuesday and that I need to “step up.” Just because I’m strong enough not to get emotional, doesn’t mean that I should get treated like shit because I can “take it.” It’s a frustrating double standard.

Also, I should note the New Mom didn’t do anything wrong, the Dragon Lady just as usual overreacted and projected on the Prof who then in turn talked to the New Mom about it. Perhaps the issue is more that management needs to get their act together because they’re going to lose their staff to the looney bin soon.

Husband #FAIL

As if my day couldn’t have gotten worse: I picked the kids up from daycare and was informed by the teacher that she just took Bear’s temp and it was 102, he was lethargic and sensitive all afternoon. Just great! Two sick kids!

I get home and am telling Bear that I had a bad day too. My boss was mean to me again. I explain in a nutshell to the H what prof said to me (that I cut corners and am unprofessional, he’s lost trust in me). The H’s response: Is there any credence to that? My response: What does that mean? The H: Well, do you cut corners?

I thought I was going to punch him right in the face. Instead I took Bear whom I was carrying in my arms this whole time and locked ourselves in the bathroom under the pretense I was taking his temperature. Which I did, it was 101.5.

Are you fucking kidding me? As I explained to the H in a huffy tone as I was getting ready to walk out the door (luckily Bear wanted yogurt for dinner which we needed to buy at the store) that it would not have occurred to anyone to ask me that because no one who knows me or the Prof would think there was any accuracy to that statement. That I’m so happy that he knows me so well and has so much faith in my professional abilities. He kept trying to say that he wanted to know if there was any justification to Prof’s response. But that’s precisely the point. How could he think there was any justification?

I’m too tired to be livid. I’m so drained that I can’t even properly have this argument.

We just got back from the store and I told him I have to pump because I was so busy cutting corners today I only got to do it once.

Yes, I am overwhelmingly passive aggressive.

Babies are Like Bosses

I came to the conclusion yesterday that Babies are like Bosses as Bella wouldn’t stop whining and despite me trying to do whatever I could to make her happy. Quite simply she wouldn’t tell me what she wanted and was upset when I couldn’t deliver, just like my boss.

Babies and bosses:

• Make unrealistic demands on your time and sanity
• Don’t care about your emotional state of mind
• Don’t care if you’re under the weather
• Don’t pay very well
• Other duties as Assigned
• Don’t listen
• Don’t communicate well
• Make you clean up after them
• Shit and spit on you (one figuratively the other literally)
• Get all the attention

However, having your baby smile their silly gummy grin and laugh at you it is priceless. When your boss does it, it’s creepy.

Today at work I got reamed at 8:15 am. Tried to keep it together and not cry at 10:30 am when co-worker asked about it and at 11a admitted defeat. I don’t have the energy anymore to keep fighting.

I’ve lost the fight. He’s won. In the end, there is nothing I can do except take his shit and try to keep it together. I’m emotionally drained from all this and I feel like I’m getting a cold. The fact that Bear threw up essentially his body weight last night in bed meant that I didn’t get much sleep either. It’s been an all around shitty day. But when your day starts with your boss telling you that he doesn’t trust your work anymore, that you cut corners and are unprofessional how can your day go well?

Keeping it in perspective: I did make a mistake, that I owned up to completely. I should have rechecked the inventory and not taken January’s numbers as accurate. What it amounted to is 3 days of time lost as the printer reprints. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t allowed to ever make a mistake.