Nothing Tastes as Good As Skinny Feels

Actually toffifee, double stuf oreos, coke, BBQ ribs and wings, garlic mashed potatoes, baked potato soup, cheese fries and hamburgers,  and I could probably food associate for a long time of things that I love to eat more than I like to be skinny.

But

I still miss being skinny. Remember 2009? When I spent the whole damn year exercising, dieting, and complaining but in the end lost 25 lbs and wore size 4 jeans? Remember when I bought this dress at White House Black Market:

Damn, I was thin for a glorious six months before I decided to get knocked up. Hey, better to get knocked up at my thinnest then my widest though. From my thinnest to my widest is a difference of 46 lbs. That’s almost 50 lbs people, FIFTY. People on Biggest Loser lose that much on the ranch (like that annoying Elizabeth who I really hope doesn’t get to the final three).That’s a lot for a normal unmotivated trainerless person to lose.

However, a lot of that was actual baby weight so when Bella and her habitat came out I lost a bunch. In fact now at the end of my leave I have 15 lbs to lose which is much more manageable than forty freaking six. But the thing is I’m no where near as motivated as I was in 2009. I hit rock bottom when I decided I wanted to try and lose weight. When I went to Chicago for my 24th birthday and watched a fashion show of my friends trying on my clothes and looking so much better than me in them that was a punch in the gut. Or when I sat in my car outside the Uptown VFW sobbing before a friend’s  birthday party because I was too embarrassed to go inside because of my appearance. Yeah, that was awful. Probably as bad as when I stood in the bathroom licking the tinfoil of some now forgotten food. Those were rock bottom instances. I don’t feel anything like I did then. I feel lazy and unwilling to put in the effort I know I have to put in to lose the weight.

I’ve had a gym membership since September and have only gone 12 times. Nine of which was in November and three of which are this week. Which means all of September and October my membership sat dormant, unused and charging me $42 a month. This month I hope to go the required 12 times to get my Medica reimbursement for $20 making my membership a more feasible monthly charge of $22. That will be however tough considering all next week my friend B is going to be in town and Christmas weekend is sort of out of the question.

Yesterday, I went to the BodyFlow class for the first time in way over a year and I loved it. This was why after all I got the membership since I do technically have a treadmill downstairs I could be running (really walking with a slight incline) on. The problem is that when its actually time to go to the gym I never feel like it. When I’m there I almost always enjoy it and am glad I went the trouble is actually getting my ass off the couch my hand out of the cookie jar and outside to the gym.

Then, of course, my other stumbling block is food. God only knows how many Oreos I’ve consumed the past week. A lot. They are my kryptonite. And people who know me can attest I don’t like desserts/sweet things/cookies/etc. This was of course until I discovered Halloween Oreos and now Holiday Oreos. I tell myself (and the H) that after this box we will not buy anymore (even if they’re on sale) and we won’t buy any coke either which I have become completely addicted to and MUST HAVE.  Maybe if I cut these things out of my diet and actually go to the gym I’ll be able to wear that black dress to my friend’s wedding in June. We’ll see.

For the record: Lots of food tastes as good as skinny feels Kate Moss. Though I’m not going to deny how wonderful skinny feels.

Labor and Delivery

Well it’s been a week since I gave birth and the whole thing is already getting fuzzy so I better write it down before I totally forget like last time. Luckily this time original godmummy took notes (labor quotes in bold) and I live tweeted (tweets in italics) a good portion of it so I have those as references.

Tuesday September 21st at 11:15 pm we just saw the Twins clinch the title and were watching them pour champagne all over themselves when I felt a need to pee, problem is when I got up it started coming. Now I’ve been dealing with incontinence this whole pregnancy so I didn’t think too much of it except that I couldn’t remotely control it and it was pretty steady my whole walk/waddle to the bathroom. Plus when I got to the bathroom it was an odd color. Very hazy. I immediately called for the H and told him I didn’t know whether or not my water broke or I went to the bathroom on myself.

Did my water break or am I peeing on myself?

The question of the evening is did my water just break or did I not make it to the bathroom in time? #itcouldgoeitherway

The original godmummy told me to smell it bc she had read somewhere that amniotic fluid would smell sweet unlike urine that smells more like well urine. So that was an awkward time I had with my pajama pants, but I still couldn’t really tell. I mean it didn’t smell like pee, but it didn’t really smell sweet either. I sent the H and the original godmummy out to the 24 hour Walgreens to buy pads because I didn’t have any and I was leaking. Then I consulted all the sources I could think of.

Tim, Mallory, the what to expect book, the nurseline and google confirm I did not wet my pants but my water broke. #huh

The H notified the MIL to come watch Bear because the hospital said to come in ASAP. So I started frantically packing the last minute items into my hospital bag and waited patiently for their arrival. The MIL suggested we wake up Bear and tell him that we’re going to the hospital and that she was here so he wouldn’t wake up confused when he came to our bed and we weren’t there. It was hilarious trying to wake him up, he would not have it.

What if she’s ugly? Then we’ll have to take some of those butterface pictures with her hands obscuring her face.

12:30 am. We got to the hospital and when we were checking in a lady came in having extreme contractions, heeing and hawwing with like 3 kids and a husband looking very concerned behind her. I swear I thought that baby was going to pop out right then and there. In fact the check in lady told us that has happened before where someone delivers at check in. Ridiculous.

Lady who came in after me was about to deliver right there. Frightening. (@ United Hospital) http://4sq.com/8mWhzF

When I walk in I’m asking for a popsicle and some aroma therapy oil

They took us to our room, which was quite small in comparison to last time. No bathtub, no sleeper sofa. Just a bed, a small bathroom and a very uncomfortable looking reclining chair.

Last time we had a much nicer room. The nurse said it was because of the economy. That sucks.

I still wasn’t having any contractions, but was super leaking so they had my put on what really has to be a diaper and this ridiculous disposable underwear thing.

I feel sleepy and thirsty and tooty.

With my tootiness I was very concerned about the fear of going, ahem, #2 while giving labor. I’m pretty sure this is every woman’s worst nightmare. I can’t imagine if such a thing would happen to me. So I was hell bent I making sure I went first. So I consulted the H, as the Poop Whisperer:

Tell me a story to make me poop.

We put on Knocked Up and I have to say I got a strange combination of a second wind and giddiness. We had the intro before you press play music going on for quite some time. It was out of control. I basically proved that I can give a lap dance in any condition. 40 weeks pregnant with water broken included.

I’m going to try and dance out a poop.

The H: It makes it even better because your butt is hanging out and its kind of wet.

Hey, I have a nipple hole (in the bedshirt they gave me to wear)

Then a nurse awkwardly came in to check how dilated I was.

Nurses think we’re weird bc we r cracking up. We got Knocked Up & during the intro song I proved I can drop it like it’s hot in ne situation

Nurse: I think my fingers are too short.

As I grimaced in extreme pain, why yes, I have to agree . Her checking me was awful, especially because she said I was less dilated than I had been on Monday, but I think its because she couldn’t quite reach.

Then everyone decided to go to bed, since it was you know the middle of the night. The H made a bed on the floor while Original Godmummy took the recliner.

Everyone is asleep but me =( when will this baby start contracting?! Hospital beds are super uncomfortable!

5 am. I finally fell asleep.

7 am. The nurse woke me up to tell me to go for a hearty walk about and take a shower to get my contractions going since they weren’t at all.

After finally going to sleep at 5 they woke me up at 7:30 and made me shower and walk. I’m exhausted!

9 am.

They gave me oxytocin to start up my contractions. I’m really not looking forward to this next part.

I am live tweeting this whole thing, but I don’t want to overtweet.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Or as the H and original godmummy make fun of me and say meow.

Because of the possibility that a c-section would be needed I can’t eat anything and I hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before. They let me have a small breakfast of a cup of cereal and banana since I was contracting yet and for lunch a clear broth.

I am sooooooo hungry. Contractions and hunger pains simultaneously.

11 am 3-4 cm dilated.

Nurse said 3-4 cm and they’re not going to check me again for 2 hrs. This takes soooooo long and hurts, why???

The H this sucks.

This is all coming back to me now.

2pm 5-6 cm dilated.

When I started sobbing we decided to go with the epidural. Now I’m hooked up to 6 things and can’t move. But I also have NO feelings!

The other thing about the epidural other than you have to be hooked up to a zillion machines and can’t move (and have a catheter –ew) is that you get very very cold and itchy. These are things you wouldn’t expect to happen to you.

After the epidural I felt like no pain, it was pretty great. It was hard to get into a comfortable position however. We were just passing time when the new nurse came in to check on me and literally the moment she came I started to feel immense pressure/pain.

My doctor was luckily right on her way because the baby decided she was coming.

At 3:45 I started pushing, and it sucks. I mean it really really sucks. The epidural doesn’t remotely prevent that from hurting. I spent a lot of time saying that I didn’t want to do this anymore. It was frustrating because everyone kept telling me I was so close, but with every push I was told to push again. It felt like I was making no effort despite the fact that they made it seem that with every push she was going to be out.

Isabelly 7lbs 13oz, 20 inches born at 4:22 on September 24th, 2010

Apparently today is the 22nd. I’m on drugs people I can’t be expected to know things.

So somehow I managed to have another due date baby. What are the chances that I would have two babies born on their due date?? 5% of all babies are born on their due date, and I’ve had two! I also got pregnant on my first try with both of them so clearly I’m a very efficient/timely baby maker.

Delivering the placenta was okay, it looked really weird. Like some sort of blob thing. I said I wouldn’t look at it, but I did.

Afterwards I was sore. My arms, my butt, etc. And there’s lots of blood that you wouldn’t expect. You keep bleeding for over a week something called lochia. Which is gross. It was very distressing the two times I got up from my hospital bed and there was a trail of blood on the floor. More about the first week later!

Week 40

I don’t know why but I’ve been convinced that she was going to be early and she’s not here yet! Now that original godmummy is here from Chicago to help with the delivery and taking care of Isabelly I really want to get this show on the road.

I’m sooo miserable and I just got a cold on top of it all so I’m stuffy, my throat hurts, and I just feel exhausted. Luckily because of my cold on top of my pregnancy the prof was shockingly nice and let me work from home on Thursday and Friday. I have to say I have like no work left to do so if I have to go in tomorrow I don’t know what to do. Plus how awkward will it be to go in tomorrow if I haven’t been AT work since Wednesday??

At my doctors visit today Danielle stripped my membranes again, hopefully this time it will do something unlike last week. Plus I’ve been walking and eating spicy food, someone throw me a bone over here!! We also had to schedule an appt for Thursday to discuss options if I still haven’t had the baby ie induction.

Also my doctor has the 22nd as my due date while I’ve been convinced it was the 21st. Someone had to have told me that, that or wishful thinking trying to shave off a day of pregnancy.

Weeks 37-39

So I wrote and posted yesterday, but apparently it didn’t take. That’s what I get for trying to blog from my iphone. Also, the wordpress website isn’t currently functioning for me either, so I’m typing this in Word and then going to paste it in. Apparently the universe doesn’t want me to tell you about these last few weeks.

Perhaps because they’ve been awful. I mean really I have no recollection of the last few weeks with Bear being like this, she must be abnormally large or troublesome. I am super uncomfortable all the time and huge to top it off. Even my maternity clothes (that I just effin bought it seems) are too tight/short on me for the most part. I still have reflux which means I’m vomiting – quite frequently – how fun. My hips hurt incredibly when I sleep from the weight and I have to constantly be flipping over from side to side. I mean I don’t know if it’s just because the weight is so concentrated in my stomach area that I’m so uncomfortable, but I can’t imagine how obese people must function if this was their regular bodies. I mean I only weigh 186, there are a lot of people who weigh WAY more than that – how are they functioning??

I’m getting a cold which is just great. Obviously that’s what I need at 39 weeks pregnant – a cold. My throat is scratchy, my nose is stuffed, and I’m just plain exhausted. I think I’ve worn myself too thin. This past weekend I worked an obscene amount of overtime because I have so much work to do. And the only reason I stopped on Saturday night was because I stressed myself out to the point that I started to cry thinking about all that I have left to do despite how much I had already done. That night as we were watching TV my eyes started acting weird and the images were distorted and I was getting a headache. So I went to bed only to wake up a few hours later with the worst headache of my life. I mean I woke up from a headache? WTF is that? I thought sleep was supposed to make headaches better not that you’d be in so much pain that even sleeping couldn’t shelter you from it. It was literally the most pain I can recall being in. (I’m certain I’ve been in more pain – like perhaps labor—that I just don’t recall). Of course the extreme headache caused me to become intimate with my toilet like it was my 21st birthday.

I then spent all of Sunday rehydrating with Gatorade and sleeping. I called the nurseline who said since I haven’t had any high blood pressure it’s not likely to be preeclampsia, but likely to be caused by stress. What sucks is that my boss’s response to my working overtime was surprise that I had that much work to do that I needed to work overtime. Which is just like, “are you kidding me?” He clearly has absolutely no concept how long anything takes. I mean if you give me a million and one projects (the equivalency of 6 months worth of work normally) to do in a month’s time – yeah it’s going to take an effin long time. And my co-worker seems to think that I’m having a baby to spite her and has been downright bitchy to me the last two days. I just want to scream at her, “Look here lady. I didn’t assign a million projects right before I’m going to leave. I didn’t quadruple our solicitation schedule and I didn’t have to work overtime this weekend. I did it so you would have less work to do when I was gone. I don’t have to come in every day for 10 hours when I’m pregnant and sick, but I do so you have less work to do. How about being grateful for a change?”

My last two doctor’s appointment have been uneventful. Just dilated a 1cm. Today after my complaining and my doctor’s sympathy (finally someone who understands my misery) she stripped my membranes which can help induce labor (god willing). Though from my reading online it’s pretty hit or miss. She did say I was 2cm, thank god. Monday night I went for a long walk and attempted to eat spicy food. However, my long walk was painful, but not labor inducing and my Chinese food was shockingly unspicy. The doctor confirmed that walking is actually helpful, so the plan is to walk around tonight if I can stay away long enough to do so.

I hate it when she kicks me because it’s annoying and often stirs up my reflux so I spend a great deal of time yelling at my stomach telling her to get the hell out. I hope she’s a better listener when she’s actually out of my stomach.

Weeks 33-36

Sigh, overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. Ever since my “promotion” its been crazy hectic at work, non stop, so I barely have a moment to breathe much less do things like blog.

The last three weeks have been hard too. Traveling to DC turned out to be fine, the airplane ride was okay. However, the first day I walked too much in flip flops in the DC heat so the next day I could barely stand my feet ached so much. I had to make an emergency trip to the store forgoing my first session so I could buy some reasonable footwear. My fingers and feet were so swollen. I had to take off my rings because they were so tight around my newly developed sausages.

I managed to (mostly from sheer will and hatred of feeling like I’m missing out on something) stay up past midnight every night in order to go out with everyone and still wake up by 8 am for breakfast and morning sessions. Watching people drink was torturous however knowing what an entirely different experience I would be having if I could be drunk with so many friends I haven’t seen in a long time on Saturday night, or indulging in the free conference provided liquor with my fellow attendees. Instead I sipped my coke bitterly.

I didn’t even realize how exhausting the conference was until I returned and proceeded to sleep  all day. Ever since I’ve been big on the weekend naps. This past Monday was one of those instances where if I didn’t know better it felt like I was just in the first trimester with how drowsy and exhausted I was. I couldn’t for the life of me wake up. I wish I had the luxury of PTO (and not so many tasks) to be able to not work 10 hour days for the remaining weeks. By the time Saturday arrives I’m so drained from 10 hour work days (with non-stop work) that I can’t seem to do anything else but lay around. I still feel guilty on Mondays when I keep having to tell Bear that no, unfortunately mommy can’t play with him, because mommy needs to rest. I feel like I’m hurting his feelings, like he thinks I don’t want to play with him, not that I really just can’t keep walking around pretending to hunt aliens. In fact every time I do walk anywhere he accuses me of being able to walk, when I had just said I couldn’t walk.

Plus in the last two weeks my reflux has been so bad that I’ve thrown up twice. One of those times being yesterday. I still can’t shake that feeling from when I had morning sickness in the beginning where I worry I’m going to throw up the baby. I have to say, if I throw up this monstrous being in my belly, it would be quite the feat. Pretty sure I can’t open my jaw up that wide. She feels so huge in my belly, I can see her moving around trying to find some space, and in the process making me empty out anything that could possibly be in her way. I swear sometimes I go to the bathroom with legs so close together because I worry I’m not going to make it in time.

I do however get great amusement about how much I waddle. When I walk down the hallways I’ll occasionally smile to myself about my waddle. This of course happens on the return back from the restroom.

Her giantness in my belly has caused major stretch mark action requiring me to shell out $40 for the expensive stretch mark cream I used last time around. However, I really do recommend Mustela and I had a 20% off coupon.

I’ve been crazy emotional, from the stress at work and the hormones of course. One night The H was making me a sandwich and he did it incorrectly (he was cutting a piece of french bread and instead of putting the ham in like a sub he had two thick slices of bread with ham in between it. I can’t open  my mouth up that big either) and I just started sobbing. Because my sandwich was wrong, because everything was wrong. It was ridiculous.

What else? Swelling, reflux, constantly going to bathroom, emotional, stretch marks, exhaustion… oh and yes shoulder pain. My upper back and shoulders were in such pain last week that I literally almost had to take some Tylenol because no amount of rubbing or Bengay where doing anything for me. It’s gotten a little better but I came so close to shelling out the $60 to get a massage just to feel some temporary relief.

Oh yes, money. I looked into alternate daycare in our area (centers not in home). And they all cost as much as what our current daycare costs. One was $40 less a month, but I’m not sure if its worth it to move them from a daycare we love for a fairly insubstantial difference. For the two of them in daycare for 3 days a week (Keep in mind – 3 days not even a full 5 day work week) it will cost us $1,850 a month. Which is you know more than my mortgage and ridiculous. But such is life. I know I should negotiate for more at work given the substantial increase in responsibilities I’ve taken on, but I’m a ninny and I don’t want it to feel like an ultimatum where I won’t come back if they don’t give me the money.

I met with payroll today to discuss what my paychecks are going to be like on leave and it appears as though I”m only 20 hours short of PTO so there will only be half a week where I’ll be unpaid during my 12 week leave so that’s good. It sucks that I probably used those 20 hours needlessly at some point this summer, but not being able to take any PTO when its been beautiful outside and I had been so bored was quite challenging.

Otherwise we’re pretty well set on baby things with minimal out of pocket expenses on our part. Largely due to the $280 giftcard I got from Medica in which I used to buy all the stuff I actually registered for. My baby showers have been quite generous, even though I got tons of non-registry, non gift receipt items that made me want to slightly shoot myself.

The nursery is done. I’ve packed my labor bag. I bought a bottle of SkinnyGirl Margarita to enjoy when I can finally drink. The only thing left to do is to install the carseats.  I have my ultrasound tomorrow and on Monday I start my weekly OB appointments.  I am ready for this baby to be out.

Any guesses on when it will happen? Actual due date is September 21st.