Worst Way to Spend Friday Night Ever

I am so angry I’m practically shaking. I’m moments away for a full body pummel of my bed. I’m talking fists, kicking, thrashing and screaming.

Why so mad?

For Bella’s baptism I received what I deem the worst gift ever: The Hallmark Hand Print Kit. I find it unlikely that if I had a helper it would have gone any better. But I did in fact decide to do this alone as the H is camping for the weekend and Bear was taking what seemed like the world’s longest nap.

It started out fine. She was happily sitting as I mixed the plaster to the desire toothpaste consistency. Then came the hard part, how the fuck do you get a six month old to stick their hand in some plaster to make a successful mold? You don’t. At all. In any remote capacity. Nor their foot.

What you do get is two people, their clothes and a kitchen floor completely covered in plaster and a metal tin that now has hardened plaster and absolutely no print. One of them is crying uncontrollably and the other one is barely holding it together.

It was the most trying 15 minutes I have experienced in a long time. There was plaster everywhere. All over the floor (which by the way is hard to remove), my pants, my hands and arms, Bella’s face, hands, arms, foot and clothes. There may have been more plaster on then left in the tin.

I scrapped the hardened plaster out with a knife, not an easy task in and of itself. Just in case I one day feel masochistic enough to spend the extra $5 for them to send me some more plaster, because they know that there’s no way you’re going to be able to do it the first time.

As they say on the back of the box:

“We also understand that it is difficult sometimes for a child to cooperate in making a handprint.”

Understatement of the year.

What a Crappy Mornin’

I certainly have my share of crappy mornings, not being a morning person and having two kids and an 8 am start to my work day. Today was again one of those days where everything seemed to go awry. Luckily, I am now dry in the comfort of my cubicle safe from the circus of my morning.

The house is an absolute mess so I had to jump over piles of clothes and toys and dog hair as I scrambled to get ready. And because Athens insists upon being the worst dog in the universe I also had to scramble to hide any possible object in my house that he could eat. His latest thing is to jump on my dining room table and hang out there so I have to make sure all of the chairs are tucked in. I realize now that I don’t remember if I closed Bear’s bedroom door. Which means that likely toys will be eaten and his bed may be peed on.

Then of course there was the fact that I had to shower, even if it meant being really late. Another day could not go by without me washing my hair. So I had to do that quickly, meanwhile Bella found the lack of attention on acceptable and let it be known. Bear as usual meanders around the house watching Pokeman and looking for his bakugans to take to school and does not understand the concept of hurry.

I have a pimple the size of Mount Vesuvius erupting on my face, my hair is frizzy because I had no time to put any product in it and left the house with wet hair, no makeup, and a giant pimple on my face. I managed to at least scramble a decent outfit together on the plus side.

Breakfast? Nope, no time today. And we were out of tea. I mean completely out, not a tea bag insight. How could I have let us get so low? There is no drive thru starbucks on my way to work and with the rain and the fact that I was already 35 minutes late to work I was about to get out and walk inside and order and wait. And of course the H always takes my car instead of his which he did last night when he went to pick up dinner, which drives me crazy because he moves my seat and all my windows and leaves his music on super loud so when I get into my car three miles from the steering wheel I get blasted with music. A joy for the children as well I’m sure.

And of course because of the rain, there was the traffic.

Oh Boy!

The other day I think I got a glimpse into the future.

On our way to school from the car I noticed Bear tugging at his pants strangely. I asked him what was up and he promptly said nothing. I figured he either had to go to the bathroom or was being silly.

Then after dropping Bella off in her room, I dropped Bear off in his but I meandered outside of the doorway watching him after I left. His friend Chase ran up to him and they walked over to their cubbies. I saw Bear reach into his pockets and start pulling out some bakugans and hiding them in his shoe in his cubby. Chase reached into his backpack and started to pull out some cards that they were looking at. Keep in mind these are four year old boys.

I watched in disbelief. He’s asked me before if he could bring bakugans to school and  told him he could bring one, but not more because I didn’t want him to lose them. He didn’t ask this time, he just snuck toys into school! And then when I questioned him about his pants he didn’t tell me!

What a sneakster.

I’ve got to say I was much more amused than mad. I hope the future remains as tame as bringing in toys and not anything else!

There’s No Crying in Baseball

I don’t “believe” in crying at work. I’ve done it twice in the 5 years I’ve worked here and the last time was technically off site after the session ended so the only thing that qualifies it as “at work” was that it was in front of The Campaign Assistant. The other time was two years ago when I was told I couldn’t be on the planning committee for the conference I attend, and I cried in front of two of my IT friends.

I’ve never cried in front of the Prof.

I never want him to feel like he has that kind of power over me. I never want to give him the self satisfaction that he has the ability to cause me that kind of emotional stress. He definitely does, but I don’t want him to know about it. Plus, there’s the part of me that generally feels like crying at work is inappropriate and that it makes women in the workplace look bad that we get emotional and breakdown.

My friend/co-worker, the New Mom, was just crying. For the second time in two weeks in front of the Prof. I 100% sympathize, last time she cried I was having a shit awful day and almost joined in myself. But at the same time now she has this reputation for being “emotional.” She’s cried in front of the Dragon Lady in her previous position so its been something the higher ups have been aware of. In fact, when the Prospect Researcher got laid of last week she got asked if she wanted to take the day off because it might be too emotional for her.

I think that’s some BS. Why is she getting treated differently? She gets things sugar coated for her because people worry about upsetting her. No one sugar coats shit for me. The Prof flat out told me I suck on Tuesday and that I need to “step up.” Just because I’m strong enough not to get emotional, doesn’t mean that I should get treated like shit because I can “take it.” It’s a frustrating double standard.

Also, I should note the New Mom didn’t do anything wrong, the Dragon Lady just as usual overreacted and projected on the Prof who then in turn talked to the New Mom about it. Perhaps the issue is more that management needs to get their act together because they’re going to lose their staff to the looney bin soon.

Husband #FAIL

As if my day couldn’t have gotten worse: I picked the kids up from daycare and was informed by the teacher that she just took Bear’s temp and it was 102, he was lethargic and sensitive all afternoon. Just great! Two sick kids!

I get home and am telling Bear that I had a bad day too. My boss was mean to me again. I explain in a nutshell to the H what prof said to me (that I cut corners and am unprofessional, he’s lost trust in me). The H’s response: Is there any credence to that? My response: What does that mean? The H: Well, do you cut corners?

I thought I was going to punch him right in the face. Instead I took Bear whom I was carrying in my arms this whole time and locked ourselves in the bathroom under the pretense I was taking his temperature. Which I did, it was 101.5.

Are you fucking kidding me? As I explained to the H in a huffy tone as I was getting ready to walk out the door (luckily Bear wanted yogurt for dinner which we needed to buy at the store) that it would not have occurred to anyone to ask me that because no one who knows me or the Prof would think there was any accuracy to that statement. That I’m so happy that he knows me so well and has so much faith in my professional abilities. He kept trying to say that he wanted to know if there was any justification to Prof’s response. But that’s precisely the point. How could he think there was any justification?

I’m too tired to be livid. I’m so drained that I can’t even properly have this argument.

We just got back from the store and I told him I have to pump because I was so busy cutting corners today I only got to do it once.

Yes, I am overwhelmingly passive aggressive.